So, why is it when I start updating again, I immediately stop? I guess it's because I have no motivation. I don't know why I had the motivation in high school. Perhaps it was the teenager combination of ennui and angst. Engst or annui. I don't know. But now I just have no motivation to post. There's a lot going on in my life, but it's not worth me spending the 5 minutes I could be stumbling or writing my portfolio to do. Perhaps I will start posting everyday.
That is one thing I can be proud of: I don't post for anyone else. Fuck, I don't know if anyone else reads the shit I put up here. And, quite frankly, it wouldn't matter if no one else viewed this. Back in the day when no one knew what "blogs" were, I had an online journal. In fact, when I told people I had an online journal, they would look at me in disbelief and say, "you put that on the Internet." Like the Internet was a fucking leprechaun or leper to avoid. So, a lot has changed in 10 years. Fuck. Did I really start my journal almost 10 years ago? I feel so old and deprecate. Here I stand, on the cusp of my life, and all I can think of is my high school years. Ask me then and I would tell you those years were horrible and I was waiting for the next part of my life. But those were the years. No worries, no cares, just my life to live anyway I want. Now there are rules and regulations. I have to succeed and provide and perform. Anyway.
Anyway. Josh is coming up tomorrow. A throwback to better times. We're going to pick up a ring Saturday for my next stage of life. And who knows, perhaps fatherhood and marriage and steady job is better than what I expect. But it seems I'm sacrificing a part of me to become that figure. But maybe it's what I need. As long as I have my games and Internet, then I guess I'll survive.
Long story short, so and so on, I guess I'll try to update this God forsaken page a bit more often. I still have years of information to sort and organize through. Perhaps that is a task for two drunken delinquents on a Friday night. Perhaps. Or I'll just do what I do every night: Go to sleep early and dream of an exciting life.
